bloody flying

[pete]

[rant]
I know we have discussed this before and established that flying is by far the best way of getting around but avoid bloody gatwick at the moment if you can.

Flew back yesterday on the 0730 to GLA, so that's a Tuesday morning in February, admittedly half term but not the start of half term...

There was over an hour queue to clear security (and the queue was getting significantly longer behind me) all the desks are open but the staff are being very thorough in their imposition of "Security Theatre".

I did ask why we had to queue for so long and it turns out that it is because so many people want to fly. Not because they don't have enough staff.

I also had an aerosol confiscated because it had been defaced. It looked like someone had scratched off the capacity as it was over 100 ml. I'd like to think I may be one of the first to have something confiscated as I have "defaced" my own property.

[/rant]

[BigD]

You of all people should know better.

[Kelvin]

When was it established that flying is the best way of getting about? I never fly to Brussels or Paris for example and I go there 2 or three times a month. I specifically don't fly to avoid the soul destroying security process and passport control. Letting the train take the strain is a far more pleasurable experience. Obviously if you are going further afield then you might need to suffer airports. If you can airports are best avoided.

[pete]

You of all people should know better.

Mrs Pete and i were just standing get angrier and angrier whilst surrounded by essex types exclaiming how "Ooo security is important!" and "Aren't they doing a great job".

Tell me how having a 125 ml aerosol endangers the flight. I nearly screamed at one of them, then realised I'd be imprisoned for it.

[pete]

When was it established that flying is the best way of getting about?

It just was, There's no need to check, just accept it and be re-assured that I am an honourable chap who would not in any way misrepresent a previously held discussion.

With your love of the trains you are living in Victorian times whereas, with my love of flying, I am living in the Jetsons.

Except for Gatwick security which is an abomination and I'm sure was mentioned in the Divine Comedy*.


*(the poem not the band).

[tenkfeet]

You of all people should know better.

Mrs Pete and i were just standing get angrier and angrier whilst surrounded by essex types exclaiming how "Ooo security is important!" and "Aren't they doing a great job".

Tell me how having a 125 ml aerosol endangers the flight. I nearly screamed at one of them, then realised I'd be imprisoned for it.

I think you will find a small strawberry trifle is the terrorist weapon of choice. The anger in the eyes of the eyes of the security operative on discovery made me fear rendition to a Black site for interrogation.

[Kelvin]

When was it established that flying is the best way of getting about?

It just was, There's no need to check, just accept it and be re-assured that I am an honourable chap who would not in any way misrepresent a previously held discussion.

With your love of the trains you are living in Victorian times whereas, with my love of flying, I am living in the Jetsons.

Except for Gatwick security which is an abomination and I'm sure was mentioned in the Divine Comedy*.


*(the poem not the band).

As a frequent user of the airports wot are in the sauff (for when I can't drive to let the train take the strain) I can tell you that your experience at Gatwick is played out every flying hour of every day across Stansted, Heathrow (and the wonderful experience that is terminal 3), Luton and Gatwick.

However, the problem isn't the airports, or the security protocols, or the border controls, or the shopping malls from hell and their ninja perfume death sprayers. Oh no.It's you my friend. Let me explain.

The modern World is generally rubbish. This is important and we'll come back to it. Whether it's courier deliveries that end up on your roof or in your bin on bin day, utility companies that can't bill you correctly and then accidentally cut you off when you phone up to try and pay them and then when they finally understand what they've done start billing you for the guy down the road, mobile phones that don't have any mobile phone coverage, banks that must have scam creation departments as how else have they been able to do what they've done, insurance companies that wriggle out of paying out, cars that are too complex for your local garage to fix, shops that sell two for the price of one when you only want one and the price of one is less than the price of the two for one deal, farmers that get paid less for their milk than it costs to produce it, water that's more expensive per litre than petrol, printer ink that's more expensive than chanel no 5 which is more expensive than vintage Champagne, cinema pop corn that's more expensive than steak, that it's cheaper to fly out of Stansted than it is to park there...etc...add in a few of your own. Given all of this and much much more, the modern World is generally rubbish therefore, embrace how rubbish it is, laugh off the incompetence of the utility companies, accept the random courier deliveries, treat travelling through airports as a mini-adventure to be savoured and see it as a survival challenge to get through it as quickly as possible and in the least stressful way as possible by planning every step. Once you re-adjust yourself to the rubbishness of it all suddenly it seems fine and you no longer find yourself wanting to tear the face off some border control agency worker. After all, it could be worse, you could be doing his job.

[DJ]

As a frequent user of the airports wot are in the sauff (for when I can't drive to let the train take the strain) I can tell you that your experience at Gatwick is played out every flying hour of every day across Stansted, Heathrow (and the wonderful experience that is terminal 3), Luton and Gatwick.

However, the problem isn't the airports, or the security protocols, or the border controls, or the shopping malls from hell and their ninja perfume death sprayers. Oh no.It's you my friend. Let me explain.

The modern World is generally rubbish. This is important and we'll come back to it. Whether it's courier deliveries that end up on your roof or in your bin on bin day, utility companies that can't bill you correctly and then accidentally cut you off when you phone up to try and pay them and then when they finally understand what they've done start billing you for the guy down the road, mobile phones that don't have any mobile phone coverage, banks that must have scam creation departments as how else have they been able to do what they've done, insurance companies that wriggle out of paying out, cars that are too complex for your local garage to fix, shops that sell two for the price of one when you only want one and the price of one is less than the price of the two for one deal, farmers that get paid less for their milk than it costs to produce it, water that's more expensive per litre than petrol, printer ink that's more expensive than chanel no 5 which is more expensive than vintage Champagne, cinema pop corn that's more expensive than steak, that it's cheaper to fly out of Stansted than it is to park there...etc...add in a few of your own. Given all of this and much much more, the modern World is generally rubbish therefore, embrace how rubbish it is, laugh off the incompetence of the utility companies, accept the random courier deliveries, treat travelling through airports as a mini-adventure to be savoured and see it as a survival challenge to get through it as quickly as possible and in the least stressful way as possible by planning every step. Once you re-adjust yourself to the rubbishness of it all suddenly it seems fine and you no longer find yourself wanting to tear the face off some border control agency worker. After all, it could be worse, you could be doing his job.

Brilliant!

[Lazydonkey]

Luton is actually ok for security. They've sunk a lot of money into it. T5 is very variable, even on "fast track"

Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk

[Andy G]

guys - save yourself some pain.

Get the pass/card/ticket for priority lanes and then a lounge once airside.

I couldn't imagine not doing this - but then i was flying every week, and my BA card gets me both FOC.

The Priority Pass works for lounges and many airports will let you get through the priority security line for £5.

Yup, it costs but F*** being in a line and then stuck in the mess that is most airports.

I was flying so much I can tell you exactly where i go in most major airports to dodge the chaos.

[pete]

I can't help but cast my mind back to happier times.

Our personal best for a flight was 15 minutes from arriving at airport to wheels up. The distance from the check in desk to the gate was 12 minutes at a dead run. (Although we had to travel at the front and make small talk, but the seats are better. They don't let you do this anymore. they don't let you hide in the toilets until you're airborne then use the cabin crew's seats either.)

[alicrozier]

It could be worse. Imagine 3 hours in a scrum where nobody observes any kind of queue etiquette (or observes UK standards of personal space), officials looking for bribes at every turn then having to do a go around as there is a cow on the runway. Grazing rights to the airfield grass anyone?

Edited to add and that's in Business Class...

[campbell]

Kelvin, are you the new Tut? Too much time on your hands! Were you stuck in an airport security queue...

Loved the monologue. Welcome back (-:

[BigD]

When I flew to Spain a couple of weeks ago I did it the old way. Turn up half an hour to an hour before final boarding time, waltz through Edinburgh security in minutes and wait on the plane boarding, max 30 minutes.

I then do the opposite to priority boarding. I wait in a seat until the queue is gone and just saunter through boarding and onto the plane. If there's no space for my bag then that's not my problem. It can go wherever it needs to. It doesn't need to be above my head it can go anywhere. Then sit down and pretty much taxi onto the runway.

The return was very similar in that there was virtually no security wait time.

Admittedly it was off season but all very straightforward.

[kenny]

Was bricking it on recent trip to New York after reading some horror stories about US immigration, breezed through in 5mins, US border control folk were even moderately pleasant.

Office trip to Copenhagen my bag got pulled off scanner conveyor in Edinburgh just I remembered I left a full hip flask in it and thought I was in for a full fisting once they searched the bag, but they just ran it through the scanner again and let it through.

You must just look guilty.