Ed
That Chuck Norris related signature is truly awful.....please change.
NR
Ed's signature
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Novice Racer
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Ed's signature
Ipsa scientia potestas est
S2 Elise
S2 Elise
here is some others for your amusement!
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Octopus Energy Referral Code (£50 each!) share.octopus.energy/light-lynx-588
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Ah . . . the good old Chuck Norris facts list. Ed, I guess you're a fan of the Mr.T and Hoffy facts too? I'm sure you've seen before, but they're still hilarious:
T - Time
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills
them.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the
situation, he is always understood.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of
vitamin T.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked
Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
created Pity.
On the A-team, Face , Hanibal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise.
Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him
out of fear.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British
path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth sh_it itself
and created Scotland.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through
doors.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going
to walk.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of
the concept of infinity.
Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in
actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their
hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared
to accurately testify anyway.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at
Little Chef forgot his birthday.
Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by
getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in
the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black
screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.
Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift
of the beard.
Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is
Mr.T.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
recorded in human history.
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting
pain.
Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
One day when Mr. T was just a little T doing push-ups on the schoolyard,
he heard some kids singing "I'm a little tea-pot." Thinking those kids>
were tarnishing his reputation by associating T and pot, mini Mr. T
proceeded to rip off the kids' handles and dislocate their spouts before
tipping them over and knocking them out.
Hoff-A-Rama
>>1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game
>>of tennis.
>>
>>2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
>>Hasselhoff allows to live.
>>
>>3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
>>
>>4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's
>>David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was
>>the third girl he had slept with.
>>
>>5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe,
>>and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
>>
>>6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff
>>could use to kill you, including the room itself.
>>
>>7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time
Satan
>>borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.
>>
>>8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
>>
>>9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes
>>corn needs to lie the f**k down.
>>
>>10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
>>wet. The water gets David instead.
>>
>>11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
>>
>>12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World
>>Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff,
and
>>those
>>listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to
>>matching him.
>>
>>13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to
put
>>up with lactose's sh1t.
>>
>>14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.
>>
>>15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.
>>
>>16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
>>night.
>>
>>17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists
>>entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
>>
>>18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even
touching
>>his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of
>>his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
>>
>>19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun
>>and won.
>>
>>20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a
>>year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the
>>Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because
>>Grammy's are for queers."
>>Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
>>
>>21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky
child
>>to be thrown into the sun.
>>
>>22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up,
>>he's pushing the Earth down.
>>
>>23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in
>>slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an
>>inferno erupts behind him.
>>
>>24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
>>spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. But
>>David Hasselhoff likes it to be known that using telekinesis, he made
>>Tom Cruise mix red and white together, knowing fully well that the
>>resulting colour would not be worthy of his creation. David Hasselhoff
invented telekinesis.
>>
>>25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after
he
>>ate every last unicorn in existence.
>>
>>26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
>>
>>27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force
meets
>>an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched
>>himself in the face.
T - Time
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills
them.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the
situation, he is always understood.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of
vitamin T.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked
Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
created Pity.
On the A-team, Face , Hanibal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise.
Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him
out of fear.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British
path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth sh_it itself
and created Scotland.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through
doors.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going
to walk.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of
the concept of infinity.
Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in
actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their
hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared
to accurately testify anyway.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at
Little Chef forgot his birthday.
Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by
getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in
the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black
screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.
Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift
of the beard.
Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is
Mr.T.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
recorded in human history.
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting
pain.
Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
One day when Mr. T was just a little T doing push-ups on the schoolyard,
he heard some kids singing "I'm a little tea-pot." Thinking those kids>
were tarnishing his reputation by associating T and pot, mini Mr. T
proceeded to rip off the kids' handles and dislocate their spouts before
tipping them over and knocking them out.
Hoff-A-Rama
>>1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game
>>of tennis.
>>
>>2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
>>Hasselhoff allows to live.
>>
>>3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
>>
>>4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's
>>David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was
>>the third girl he had slept with.
>>
>>5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe,
>>and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
>>
>>6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff
>>could use to kill you, including the room itself.
>>
>>7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time
Satan
>>borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.
>>
>>8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
>>
>>9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes
>>corn needs to lie the f**k down.
>>
>>10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
>>wet. The water gets David instead.
>>
>>11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
>>
>>12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World
>>Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff,
and
>>those
>>listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to
>>matching him.
>>
>>13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to
put
>>up with lactose's sh1t.
>>
>>14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.
>>
>>15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.
>>
>>16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
>>night.
>>
>>17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists
>>entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
>>
>>18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even
touching
>>his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of
>>his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
>>
>>19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun
>>and won.
>>
>>20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a
>>year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the
>>Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because
>>Grammy's are for queers."
>>Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
>>
>>21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky
child
>>to be thrown into the sun.
>>
>>22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up,
>>he's pushing the Earth down.
>>
>>23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in
>>slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an
>>inferno erupts behind him.
>>
>>24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
>>spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. But
>>David Hasselhoff likes it to be known that using telekinesis, he made
>>Tom Cruise mix red and white together, knowing fully well that the
>>resulting colour would not be worthy of his creation. David Hasselhoff
invented telekinesis.
>>
>>25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after
he
>>ate every last unicorn in existence.
>>
>>26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
>>
>>27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force
meets
>>an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched
>>himself in the face.
2009 Mini Cooper, Midnight Black
2008 Elise S, Solar Yellow
2008 Elise S, Solar Yellow
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Novice Racer
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- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 2:18 pm
