EVO Porter's column this month..

[Dominic]

About internet forum's, gave me a chuckle! So true....

[C7Steve]

I have not bought it yet Dominic, what's he saying?

I heard that there is piece on the Exige V6 Cup too. I will pick up a copy this week.

Steve.

[rossybee]

About internet forum's, gave me a chuckle! So true....

Available online? / linky?

/pikey

[Dominic]

I'll see if I can copy n paste or something....

[Dominic]

Porter provides a withering snap shot of a typical day in the life of a motoring internet forum:

1. A newcomer says they are about to buy a BMW 320d but wonders if there are any alternatives they may not have considered. One person gives a useful answer based on experience. Seven people don't. A further nine people make in jokes an outsider simply wouldn't understand. The newcomer doesn't come back.

2. Someone boasts about beating another car, making unsubtle references to driving at 120mph on a public road. Seven people aren't impressed. One person uses the word "twat". Someone gets banned, but not from driving. An argument breaks out.

3. A Nissan GT-R owner lists all the ways in which he considers that the vast engineering department at Nissan did not do an adequate job and the ways in which he, the owner of a building company in Rochdale, has remedied this.

4. Someone with a highly tuned car posts an unreadable graph taken from a rolling road session, along with an outlandish, Veyron-withering claim about how much power they have. A patently clever person delivers a short lecture about friction losses. Three patently quite stupid people try to argue with him.

5. A person with a pseudonym that seemed funny six years ago draws attention to a car for sale, Five people pooh-pooh this car. One person says they 'quite like it'.

6. Someone makes a reference to their girlfriend for no real reason except to tell the world that they have a girlfriend.

7. A Nissan GT-R owner lists all the supercars that they believe to be inferior to and slower than the Nissan GT-R.

8. Someone mentions Top Gear. Three other people say it's an entertainment show and not a car show, as if they are the very first people ever to think of this.

9. Someone describes Rovers as rubbish. Someone else vehemently defends them.

10. Someone makes a cack-handed attempt at to boast about how much they earn.

11. A Nissan GT-R owner declares that the Nissan GT-R is the best supercar money can buy. Eighteen people take issue with the use of the word 'supercar'. An arguement brakes out.

12. A British person who lives abroad tries to make their new home country sound brilliant.

13. Someone refers to their car using an inexplicable capitalized abbreviation.

14. Someone starts a discussion about home electronics. Someone else makes an artless reference to the size of his own television as if actually and needlessly comparing penises. Someone smugly provides unrequested evidence of the speed of their home internet connection. A lone voice asks if we can get back to cars.

15. Someone makes a whimsical remark. Another person moves their mouse a couple of times, prods at their keyboard, moves their mouse again and devotes a total of 79 seconds of their time to tell the world in acronym form that they 'laughed out loud'. They did not actually laugh out loud.

16. A man with a pair of breasts pictured under his username accuses someone else of being childish.

17. Someone refers to a car only by its obscure factory code name.

18. Someone asks an innocent question about wiper blades. A man whose auto-signature styles them as 'no nonsense' immediately crushes them with passive-aggressive disdain before their mum tells them to get off the computer and come down for some dinner.

19. A man whose user name is a car he hasn't owned for six years asks for advice about practical small cars for his wife, ideally costing around £12,000. Someone immediately suggests a second hand Boxter 'like mine'.

20. A contributor confirms that yes, they are a girl. Seven male contributors make inept attempts to be charming.

21. Someone posts a photograph of a moderately famous actress and asks if she is hot or not. Five people immediately answer emphatically in the negative as if each of them is Brad Pitt. None of them is Brad Pitt. A lone voice asks if we can keep this to cars.
Ten pages later, the debate is still rolling. It is no longer safe to view at work.

22. Someone asks a question that, with a little effort, could be answered by a search engine. Three people leap to point this out. One of them is a total dick about it. An argument breaks out.

23. Someone accuses a magazine of of unfair bias towards BMW/Porsche/Jaguar.

24. Someone makes a claim based on no information whatsoever.
Two more people claim to have 'heard that too'. Someone asks for proof. No proof is forthcoming. An argument breaks out.

The world keeps turning. People keep discussing cars on the internet.

[Dominic]

Anyway,.. best go now - Mum say's I have to get off the computer, dinner is ready

[DJ]

Brilliant. I didn't realise Richard Porter was on SE!

Bet I'm not the only one that read through those thinking that's just like X, and that one is Y etc.

[Stu160]

Very true......

Stu

[rossybee]

LOL

[Dominic]

LOL

Yea yea

[campbell]

You beat me to it Dom.

I am convinced Porter is lurking. Or has at least had a guest read of SE for a while. One of our number did help EVO with an Elise feature a few years ago, so they have the link

btw, I don't normally like Porter's column. But I LOVED this month's.

<an argument breaks out>

LOL

[Mikie711]

Not so sure about the SE link, but definitely been on PH.

[BiggestNizzy]

Load of rubbish, I read it while driving my SMFA elise to work where I make loads of money this morning at 150 mph you can really feel the 300 bhp from my K-series.

Rover were the best.

[tut]

I really can not equate any of those instances to have taken place on S_E.

I have checked back through my postings and can not find one where I have said that my income is more than most of yours just from a War Pension, that I do not have to go out to work or pay income tax, that I had a 60" TV when you were still on your square boxes, that I have bought up four perfectly behaved children that are also on higher salaries again than most of you, that most of your houses would fit in my lounge, that I am the quickest 73 year old disabled Elise driver in Scotland, that I have nearly twice as many posts, the list goes on but on S_E it would be bad form to mention anything like that, so he must be referring to other car forums.

tut

[rossybee]

I am the only 73 year old disabled Elise driver in Scotland

EFA