Lighten your Elise

tut · Post by **tut** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 7:05 am

There was a serious thread on SELOC on how to loose weight on your car. Steve Butts is now down to 613kgs, and that is without C/F clams.

Most of the posts are along this line:-

Liam, Letchworth/Cambridge, liam@fourwheels.org

Remove passenger seat
Cut away (GRP) boot
Replace side window glass with polycarb
Remove passenger footrest
Titanium exhaust system (mmmm...)
Remove leather/cloth pads from sills
Remove mesh from above radiator
Remove shroud from around gearstick/handbrake lever
Remove door inserts
Remove footwell divider
Remove driving lamps
Remove brake disc splash guards (unsprung, too!)
Remove heater controls (as well as matrix)
Remove locking wheel nut adapter
Remove tyre-weld

but jamesm came out with his own version:-

You will notice the difference -

Car

Tax Disc.
Tax Disc holder.
Tyre Valve dust caps.
Plastic bit on the end of odometer reset button.
Wheel centre caps (big saving)
Side repeater indicators.
Inflate tyres with helium.
T-cut the layer of gel-coat off the bodywork.

Driver (Stage 1)

Haircut
Piss
Dump
Empty your sack
Blow nose
Cut finger and toe nails (loose some toes if really serious about weight loss)
Wax pubic hair
Drain 4 pints of blood

In order to be trully competitive the following driver upgrades are reccomended.

(Stage 2)

Additional weight reduction by removal of non essential items -

Kidney (1 only)
Lung (1 only)
Spleen
Teeth
Appendix
Buttock reduction (big saving)
3 fingers from right hand (check if car is RHD first!)
2 toes from each foot
Further 2 pints of blood

(Stage 3)
(Reccomended for experts only)

Certian parts of the brain can be saftley removed, although some dealers have made mistakes.

Full colostomy conversion. (deposes of those heavy intestines) This conversion also makes way for further arse modifications.

(Stage 4) (Full FIA Driver Spec)

Complete "Dry Sump" Conversion

Remove heart, lungs, Liver & ALL blood vesels.
Drain all remaining blood.
Fit complete Lotus Direct Driver Oxygen injection system.

Tune on Rolling road.

tut

deano15482 · Post by **deano15482** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 7:34 am

AFPMSL!!!!!!

what did they reply to that?

Dean

dezzy · Post by **dezzy** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 9:15 am

Post by **pete** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 10:03 am

ROFL

Rich H · Post by **Rich H** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 10:26 am

IIRC isn't Steve a little on the large side anyway?

GregR · Post by **GregR** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 10:27 am

I query the colostomy route - you'll end up with heavy needle, pipe and bag. If you've completed driver stage 1, there should be no need as bladder & bowel will be empty - therefore soimply remove intestine & bladder, no need for contingency until post-race/TD

HTH

Greg

Rich H · Post by **Rich H** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 10:31 am

Surely a direct mount to the car would negate the requirement for another seat and seat belts...

A few ribs could go too.

Sanjøy · Post by **Sanjøy** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 10:39 am

No mention of nipping a few inches off the tip.

tut · Post by **tut** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 10:45 am

That would still leave me with far too much.........

tut

bertieduff · Post by **bertieduff** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 12:16 pm

oh and do an emergency stop...gets a kilo of loose change flying out from under the seats every time....Just don't take things too far....I'm down to 28 kilos and i just can't stop