Scottish Elises

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and
asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped 3 England football fans.
They're asking for a £10million ransom.
Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set
them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.



" About a gallon"

ha ha ha.


It'll all be over in 4 or 5 weeks. Just remember that famous (not very good) goal in '78 and you'll be ok.

Tom wrote:ha ha ha.


It'll all be over in 4 or 5 weeks. Just remember that famous (not very good) goal in '78 and you'll be ok.

What's the name of the group Tom..... SCOTTISH Elises? Correct.

Thin ice buddy, thin ice.....

Found this, thought it was interesting!

How temperature affects the mind!
>
>
> 40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
> People in Scotland sunbathe.
>
> 35 degrees -Italian cars won't start.
> People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
>
> 20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
> People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
>
> 15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state.
> People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.
>
> 0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on.
> People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold.
>
> -10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct.
> People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
>
> -20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico.
> People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
>
> -80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
> Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival exercise until it gets
> cold enough.
>
> -100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
> People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.
>
> -173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes.
> People in Scotland are angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky kegs.
>
> -297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.
> Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
>
> -460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops.
> People in Scotland's tart saying " A wee bit chilly ... eh? "
>
> -500 degrees - Hell freezes over.
> Scottish people support England in the World Cup
>
>

(off to start British Elises faction...)

BINGO


And the games not even started

Cup Final.



A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their
right mind would
have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest
sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1966 in London."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to
take the seat?"




The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."