Scottish Elises

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies,



"It's Keith, the dwarf."

Heard a few recently ,

Two peanuts walking down sauchihall street , one was assaulted

3 little mice down the pub arguing bout who is the hardest .....

Mouse 1 : am that hard that a could run over to that mouse trap , Eat the cheese while doing ten push ups under the bar .


Mouse 2 : Auch thats fcuk all pal , see that rat poison sh*t a crush that up and snort it !

Mouse 3 walks towards the door

Mouse 1 & 2 Here were you goin ?

Mouse 3 .................am away to shag the cat !!!


Superman was hovering about in the sky one day gagging for his hole.
He see's wonderwoman sunbathing down below and thinks to himself " i am superman, a could be down there, stick it in her arse and back up here before she knows whats hit her ... i am superman! "

So sure enough he fires down does the buisness then flys off well chuffed.

Meanwhile down below ......

WonderWoman : What the fcuk was that ?????

The invisible man : fcuk knows but my arse is in tatters!!!!!!