Jokes...................Give Us A Laugh

[Edin430]

Man goes to the zoo,
There is only a dog there,
Its a Sh1tzu.

holy...........................f*ck..................................

get out

yup, im drunk

[BiggestNizzy]

naughty joke was here, it was really funny but a bit close to the bone PM for details

[Edin430]

...

[Edin430]

Why didnt the gardener plant toadstools in his greenhouse?

Because there wasnt mushroom.

[robin]

OK, I'll let you all edit your own posts - anything you wouldn't say to your mother, my wife or somebody on the bus, please delete.

Thanks,
Robin

[Edin430]

And then God created Saturn...and he liked it.....so he put a ring on it.

[robin]

OK, I'll let you all edit your own posts - anything you wouldn't say to your mother, my wife or somebody on the bus, please delete.

*COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH*

[tut]

There is a line for jokes that we stay above.

Most of us know where it is, for those that don't it is not difficult to work out.

tut

[a4drk]

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"

Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"

[robin]

*stunned* poor taste and not funny

[tut]

Mikie started this thread, and his jokes were funny but not crude.

This is an open Forum and anybody can read our posts, including your own young kids, or your granny.

So just cut out the ones that we would tell in the bar, and stick to the humorous ones.

tut

[Edin430]

Well everyone is offended by different things so IMHO there is no point in a jokes page - lock it and move on

[tut]

There are jokes and jokes. We used to have a regular Friday joke day on here, none of us are prudes, but you seem to be missing the point that this is a public forum that anybody can access.

We don't want them, or in fact our own families to be greeted with, excuse the French but no other way, "fckuing your granny up the ass"

It has no place on here and you know it.

tut

[Mikie711]

So this Frenchman walks into a bar with a Parrot on his
shoulder and the bartender says "Say, that's pretty neat. Where
did you get it?"

And the Parrot replies "I got him in France. They have millions
of 'em!"

_______________________________________________________


A Drover walks into a bar in New York with a pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the crocodile up on the bar, turns to the astonished patrons and says "'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my
manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.

And in return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'

The crowd of drunks murmured their approval with great approval.

So the man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of ts head

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

After a few drinks, the man then stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $300 who's willing to give it a try.'

A hush fell over the crowd while everyone looked at each other.

After a few minutes, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

And a blonde woman stood up and timidly spoke up..........
'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

[Mikie711]

Cheap Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that
was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they
weren't strong enough to nick one, the husband went to his doctor and
told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly
alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer
can, then hold the can up to his Ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy
in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can
next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at
which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could
continue counting on his other hand...

This procedure also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex,
Sunderland, Glasgow, Wales and anywhere in Weymouth !!



A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, "Its nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O. K., Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?" she asked.
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.