I know many of you are fans of the two Ronnies. This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 1970's.
Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger, though God knows after how many takes.
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella
worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling
shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly
isters were right bugly astards.. One was called Mary Hinge, and the
other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers;
they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts
would not let Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She
turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with
six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy
fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there
would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!"
said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so
dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door
and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her
leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince.
"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper
on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted
pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!
tut
The great Ronnie Barker.
Re: The great Ronnie Barker.
Here's a great example of Barker's famous pisspronunciation monologues. The Internet fable crediting him with this crude/vulgar rewriting does him a disservice IMHO.
