The Events decribed below are fictitous and any resemblance to people living or dead are conincidental. Most of the conversations are made up too.
Part The First. TT 2001.
In 2001 I was met by a mysterious bare footed man in a car park somehwere in Fife. What followed was an exhilerating if ever so slightly insane 4 hour drive to the Isles of Glencoe, followed by a 4 hour drive back to Glasgow and work. A drive that means my colleague swore never to ride in a car with me again. Finally, over 6 years later, I've recovered. The counselling was expensive but the demons are vanquished.
It's time to try again.
Part the Second
A bridge over an A road somewhere in deepest darkest Ayrshire. A small be-stickered grey car is sitting, steam rising gently from it's exhaust when with a muted burble a similar black car pulls up alongside.
"Hi Shug."
"Hey Pete. You ready?"
"Yep."
After the black car executes a clumsy three point turn they are off, heading North.
Cut to a service station next to a disused Little Chef, just outside Scotland's premier new town.
Shug "Coffee's hot."
Pete "Yep."
(from stage right comes the distance brrrum of a throttle being blipped to ease a down change through a reluctant box. Suddenly one then two then five brightly coloured sportscars descend on them. As if pre-arranged.)
Pete "Now we are Seven."
Shug "What?"
Pete "You know like in the film, 'The Magnificent Seven'."
Shug "You mean the Seven Samurai?
Pete "Errm yes."
Shug "but there isn't seven of us. Mandy and Mac are round there filling up with petrol."
Pete "Oh well never mind. Oh look there's Alan."
A foggy twisty country lane in Fife. A lone people carrier is making it's way up the steep road when there is the BLAT of a sports exhaust echoing off a dry stone wall. Suddenly the Espace's mirrors are filled with a snake like line of sportscars all vying for position on the still damp road. Seconds later they are gone, then another solitary engine tone starts to get louder but the black car sits behind him for longer, seemingly unable to find a long enough straight to get past, finally he too manages and rockets off into the mist in pursuit of his erstwhile companions.
"That's funny," thinks the driver of the Renault, "I would have bet money that he was going to Knockhill with the others. But he has just shot past the entrance."
Two minutes later the car re-appears. Heading the other way.
"So do you think it will clear," asks Alan. The fog is so thick that we can't see the tower in the centre of the paddock.
"No." I reply with some certainty. "I've just spoken to the Met observer at Edinburgh airport and he is pretty certain this is with us for the whole day."
"sh*t."
"Yeah."
Four minutes later the fog has lifted and the first warm up laps are beginning.
to be continued...
It's at this point that I realise how long it is going to to take me to recount the whole weekend in the style of a really poor quality movie script but will perservere for a bit...
The Road to Old Deer. Part 2.
The Road to Old Deer. Part 2.
Last edited by pete on Tue Jun 12, 2007 7:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.
'99 - '03 Titanium S1 111S.
'03 - '10 Starlight Black S2 111S
'11 - '17 S2 135R
'17 - '19 S2 Exige S+
'23 - ?? Evora
'03 - '10 Starlight Black S2 111S
'11 - '17 S2 135R
'17 - '19 S2 Exige S+
'23 - ?? Evora
Re: The Road to Old Deer.
Keep going, lovin your workpete wrote:It's at this point that I realise how long it is going to to take me to recount the whole weekend in the style of a really poor quality movie script but will perservere for a bit...
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Part the Third - Track Day Heroes.
Last Tuesday.A tall skinny bloke, the moonlight reflecting off his attractively shiny head stands by a back door smoking a sly cigarette whilst chatting on the phone...
"...well not this weekend Dad I'm off to Knockhill for a track day."
muffled reply
"No it's not a race it's a track day. We just drive around in circles quickly.
"No you aren't allowed to time it. They get quite funny about that.
"Well it's not free, I suppose about 50 quid. Ok nearer a hundred.
"Yeah yeah plus getting the car sorted,
"errm about 350 this time, plus labour. Well now as I think about it nearer 900.
"No I don't think I should sell it. And no I don't think it is a childish thing to spend my money on."
click brrrrr
[Cut to Friday. It's mid afternoon but it could be early morning, it certainly feels like the start of a day then the fog lstarts to lift revealing Scoltand's premier race circuit in all it's shabby glory. A long line of cars is running around the circuit, a black car at the rear as the speed starts to pick up.]
"I'm catching them, I'm actually catching them. Oh I am great at this, I could take this up professionally, he's in an Exige and I am quite clearly all over him like a rash. How long have they been waving those red flags? Oh right we are still on warmup.
I have a theory that we should start a penalty system based on potatoes. The more the power, the more the bits you have welded or glued onto your car, the stickier your tyres the more sacks of spuds you would have to carry. That's right carry, actually physically hold in your lap.
So a 135R with LSS and 048s would maybe have a couple of kilos in a hessian sack sitting in his lap.
N3 TUT would be entirely filled with spuds with only the top of his head poking out. (Just so I could overtake him. Just once.)
The Reluctant Instructor.
"Brake in a straight line. Hold the wheel at 3:15. Don't try and go too fast, it's not a race you know, oh god there's someone else who wants to go out."
"Is that it?" I ask.
"Did I mention not going too fast?"
"Yes."
The fog lifted now and the sun is out, the dry line which once appeared slowly is now firmly established and reveals the circut and the cars, traffic is heavy but the driving standard is high, and gets quicker as the day goes on. No damages, a couple of mechancial failures and a couple of muppets unable to keep it on the black stuff but hey they are only muppets because I wasn't among them. This time.
Camera pans back to show cars collected, parked is too formal a word, in the paddock. The sun is shining brightly whilst the drivers exchange tales of heroism, some tinker with their steeds whilst a few are having new rubber fitted in readiness for the run up North.
Camera then zooms in on the wee 111S as the driver slips something into his ears, and continues until the words SHURE E2G fill the whole screen.
"These new headphones are great and quite a bargain," Pete thinks
"They cut out the traffic noise completely and offer much better sound than my far more expensive head unit." He continues, hopng to get a 60GB iPod in return for a bit of blatant product placement.
With that there is a roar of exhausts as most of the cars file off North towards Fort William and the next episode...
(This episode brought to you in association with AMP3.co.uk for all your listening needs.)
to be continued...
Last Tuesday.A tall skinny bloke, the moonlight reflecting off his attractively shiny head stands by a back door smoking a sly cigarette whilst chatting on the phone...
"...well not this weekend Dad I'm off to Knockhill for a track day."
muffled reply
"No it's not a race it's a track day. We just drive around in circles quickly.
"No you aren't allowed to time it. They get quite funny about that.
"Well it's not free, I suppose about 50 quid. Ok nearer a hundred.
"Yeah yeah plus getting the car sorted,
"errm about 350 this time, plus labour. Well now as I think about it nearer 900.
"No I don't think I should sell it. And no I don't think it is a childish thing to spend my money on."
click brrrrr
[Cut to Friday. It's mid afternoon but it could be early morning, it certainly feels like the start of a day then the fog lstarts to lift revealing Scoltand's premier race circuit in all it's shabby glory. A long line of cars is running around the circuit, a black car at the rear as the speed starts to pick up.]
"I'm catching them, I'm actually catching them. Oh I am great at this, I could take this up professionally, he's in an Exige and I am quite clearly all over him like a rash. How long have they been waving those red flags? Oh right we are still on warmup.
I have a theory that we should start a penalty system based on potatoes. The more the power, the more the bits you have welded or glued onto your car, the stickier your tyres the more sacks of spuds you would have to carry. That's right carry, actually physically hold in your lap.
So a 135R with LSS and 048s would maybe have a couple of kilos in a hessian sack sitting in his lap.
N3 TUT would be entirely filled with spuds with only the top of his head poking out. (Just so I could overtake him. Just once.)
The Reluctant Instructor.
"Brake in a straight line. Hold the wheel at 3:15. Don't try and go too fast, it's not a race you know, oh god there's someone else who wants to go out."
"Is that it?" I ask.
"Did I mention not going too fast?"
"Yes."
The fog lifted now and the sun is out, the dry line which once appeared slowly is now firmly established and reveals the circut and the cars, traffic is heavy but the driving standard is high, and gets quicker as the day goes on. No damages, a couple of mechancial failures and a couple of muppets unable to keep it on the black stuff but hey they are only muppets because I wasn't among them. This time.
Camera pans back to show cars collected, parked is too formal a word, in the paddock. The sun is shining brightly whilst the drivers exchange tales of heroism, some tinker with their steeds whilst a few are having new rubber fitted in readiness for the run up North.
Camera then zooms in on the wee 111S as the driver slips something into his ears, and continues until the words SHURE E2G fill the whole screen.
"These new headphones are great and quite a bargain," Pete thinks
"They cut out the traffic noise completely and offer much better sound than my far more expensive head unit." He continues, hopng to get a 60GB iPod in return for a bit of blatant product placement.
With that there is a roar of exhausts as most of the cars file off North towards Fort William and the next episode...
(This episode brought to you in association with AMP3.co.uk for all your listening needs.)
to be continued...
'99 - '03 Titanium S1 111S.
'03 - '10 Starlight Black S2 111S
'11 - '17 S2 135R
'17 - '19 S2 Exige S+
'23 - ?? Evora
'03 - '10 Starlight Black S2 111S
'11 - '17 S2 135R
'17 - '19 S2 Exige S+
'23 - ?? Evora
LOL the hat I was wearing on Saturday is actually black . On sunday night in the shower I realised what a Puffin feels like getting washed after an oil slick.Mr Momo wrote:I have just been part of Pete's world - what a strange place
Q. Hows the oil ? A. All over other's windscreens !
Loving your writing Pete , which actors would be playing the parts? The Bandit (a.k.a. Pete ) would have to be played by Burt Reynolds .
"Association with AMP3.co.uk " I think thats a cue for another picture of Shug
No lotus
Exige Sport 350 (Sold)
Elise Cup 250 (Air con and radio tubby spec) (Sold)
Evora S (sold)
Exige Sport 350 (Sold)
Elise Cup 250 (Air con and radio tubby spec) (Sold)
Evora S (sold)
